What I wish I would have done?

As my time in college is coming to an end, I cannot help but think of the things I wish I would have done with my time. College is a time for exploring and finding out who you are. Well, to be honest, I am not the person I thought I’d be when all was said and done. This is not to say that there aren’t things about who I am now that I like. It is just that I would have liked to do a few things differently.

  • Be more involved in my later years of college: During my freshman year, I was involved in a large variety of activities on campus. I was in colorguard, worked for the Women’s Resource Center, joined a sorority, was in a service organization, and was very active in our campus’s Spanish speaking community. However, I became drowned in my depression and anxiety. I really let it get the best of me. I went early alum from my sorority( which ended up not existing after that semester), I quit working at the Women’s Resource Center, I moved off campus, and quit that service organization. I basically isolated myself from everything. I now think that if I had stayed involved on campus, maybe I would have been able to cope better with everything.  I have learned to cope with my depression, and now realize I do have a support system.
  • Go to class more: I had a few semesters where I hardly went to class, and obviously it greatly affected my GPA. If I had gone more, I would have received those attendance points, and I would have had a better understanding of the material. My sophomore year it was because I was depressed and many weekends,  I was hung over and didn’t do my homework, so I found it pointless to go to class. Junior year, it was just because of the depression. I never wanted to get out of bed or participate in anything. I’d like to go back and slap myself in the face for that. Luckily, now it’s better.
  • Went through fall rush instead of spring:  Although I loved the sisters I made in the sorority I joined, sometimes I feel that it may have not been the best fit for me. Yeah, I had friends in it, but overall, I just felt like an outsider. I am not saying that I regret joining the sorority. I don’t. It was a learning experience, and I have made some great friends. I just think that I didn’t explore my options, and I jumped the gun when I joined.
  • Be more Social:  Like I said before, I basically isolated myself from everything and everyone.  I rarely hung out with people, and when I did, I felt awkward and uncomfortable. Even when I went through my partying stage, I still felt like I was on the outside looking in. I wish I would have found a positive social environment in which I felt welcome.
  • Loved myself more: I really didn’t do much to take care of my body. I over ate. I stress ate. Basically, I ate a lot. I didn’t exercise enough, and I gained a lot of weight. I didn’t take care of my body because I didn’t love myself like I should have. Now, I am beginning to take better care of myself. I guess it’s better late than never.

I know everyone has regrets, and these are mine for my time at Truman. Maybe someone can learn from this, and make their college experience more enjoyable.

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A Year With my Best Friend

On December 27th, 2014, I entered into a relationship with an amazing man.  I was going through a lot during that time, and thought I needed someone in my life. I had tried online dating for awhile. I had met a few different people online, and they were all nice guys, but none of them were this person I thought I needed. Then, there were a few guys that I had met at school. One of them I believed had potential, but it just didn’t seem to work out.

Towards the end of November 2014, I decided to give online dating just one more go. I talked to a few guys, but again, no luck. I was so set on finding this specific person. A person that I believed probably didn’t exist.  I wanted Prince Charming, and I was no Cinderella. I got on POF (Plenty of Fish) to delete my account. However, a picture caught my eye. There was this handsome man, with beautiful eyes and a stunning smile. I sat there for ten minutes debating weather or not I should  even message him. He seemed to be way out of my league. Plus, he lived two hours away, and I didn’t think I was in any position to handle a long distance relationship. I convinced myself to message him. I mean, what was the worst that could happen? He could respond, but later say he wasn’t interested. He could not respond at all, but something inside me made me send that message and  I was glad I did.

He messaged me back, and we began to talk. We had so much in common, and he seemed to be everything I wanted in a man. Sadly, I began a period of self doubt. He seemed to be too good to be true, and I didn’t think I was good enough. However, for the next month or so, his text messages and phone calls kept a smile on my face. How did I know that he was who he said he was? I didn’t. For all I knew, he could have been some creepy perverted man.

We made plans for him to come and stay at my apartment for a night two days after Christmas. I know, it probably wasn’t the smartest idea. However, I knew in my gut that everything would be okay. In the early afternoon, a knock sounded at my door. My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing. I opened the door to that same gorgeous smile and those same beautiful eyes that were in the picture, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Instantly, I gave him a hug, and in that moment, it all felt right.

That was the beginning of the best time of my life. This man who I hardly knew became my love, my best friend and so much more.  He encouraged me to be the best I could be. He loved without judgement of the heaviness of my past. He wanted to ensure that my future was better.

Over the last year, I have had countless moments of laughter, smiles, and happiness. I have never felt so loved in my entire life. We’ve now been together for a year, and I couldn’t feel any better. I can’t wait to see what my future holds with this amazing man. I feel that I am the luckiest girl in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Gratitude Challenge Day 4: A Family Member

The challenge today is to show gratitude towards a family member. The family member I am most grateful for is my paternal grandmother. She has been there for me when ever I have needed her. She has been there for me for as long as I can remember. She has helped me financially, emotionally, and with just about anything I have ever needed. Even if I was being hard on myself, she encouraged me to be the best I can be. If I got down she would pull me right back up. I would be lost without this woman!

Gratitude Challenge Day 3: Family

The challenge for the third day is to write about my family. I am definitely grateful for my family. I would not be who I am today without them! They continue to inspire me to be the best I can be even if I just feel like giving up. When things go wrong, I know that they have my back. Yeah, we may be a little dysfunctional and strange, but then again, what family isn’t? I have learned so much from my family over the last 22 years. I learned that no matter what, I will always have someone who loves me. I know that I will always have some one to tell me like it is even if it is the last thing I want to hear. I know that they’ll always pick me up when I fall. I definitely would not be the person I am today without their love and support. Yeah, from time to time, they my be annoying little jerks, but their my annoying little jerks, and I love them!

Day 2 of Gratitude Challenge: Spouse/ Significant Other

The challenge for today is to talk about your spouse or significant other. Well, I could talk about him forever. His name is Jason. We have been dating for almost 5 months. He has turned my world completely upside down. I thought that I would never find someone who would love me for the person I am, but he does. He treats me with so much respect. In our relationship, we;re each others’ equals. No one wears the pants in our relationship. He keeps me smiling and happy one hundred percent of the time, and I could not be more grateful. He is one of the most caring and sensitive guys that I have ever met. He isn’t afraid to show me his feelings. We are both there for one another to vent, and we tell each other what we need to hear. People say love at first sight isn’t real, but I can assure you that it really is. I fell in love with him from the start. This is definitely a man who deserves my gratitude! I love him so much.

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Day 1: Why do this challenge?

I decided to do this challenge to take more accountability for my blogging. Also, I spend so much time complaining about how horrible my life is, and I hardly focus on what is most important: Expressing thanks for the things that really matter. I hope everyone takes the time to read these posts, and that they too take time to express their gratitude.

52 Days Of Gratitude

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Howdy-Ho! So, I decided that I would make a personal goal this summer of making sure I write on this blog a lot more. I started this blog with good intentions and I would like to live up to those intentions. I found a blog challenge on Pinterest called “52 Weeks of Gratitude”. However, I decided to shorten it to 52 days. It gives me the opportunity to take more accountablilty for blogging. So, here it goes.