Day 2 of Gratitude Challenge: Spouse/ Significant Other

The challenge for today is to talk about your spouse or significant other. Well, I could talk about him forever. His name is Jason. We have been dating for almost 5 months. He has turned my world completely upside down. I thought that I would never find someone who would love me for the person I am, but he does. He treats me with so much respect. In our relationship, we;re each others’ equals. No one wears the pants in our relationship. He keeps me smiling and happy one hundred percent of the time, and I could not be more grateful. He is one of the most caring and sensitive guys that I have ever met. He isn’t afraid to show me his feelings. We are both there for one another to vent, and we tell each other what we need to hear. People say love at first sight isn’t real, but I can assure you that it really is. I fell in love with him from the start. This is definitely a man who deserves my gratitude! I love him so much.

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Guys, My big is coming back to Missouri. Okay, so she really isn’t my big technically, but she’s been there for me more than my actual big has. My actual big quit my sorority right after my pledge, as well as my grand big. So, basically, I was all alone. So, this amazing woman took me under her wing. She understood me better than my big ever could. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore my big, but this other girl could relate to me. She taught me to love myself. She taught me to not care what others thought about me. She made my second semester in the sorority enjoyable, and I began to explore myself more. She encouraged me to seek help for my mental condition. This was definitely something I needed. I don’t know if I would be living if it weren’t for her. Well, last semester, she decided that my college wasn’t for her. Actually, she thought that college wasn’t for her at all. So, she decided to move to Arizona to live with her actual sister and to pursue a career in modeling. She was pursuing her dream, and I was happy for her. I just knew I was going to miss her like crazy, and I do. Well, last Friday she texted me and told me that she is coming back in April. I cannot wait. She is going to be able to celebrate my 21st with me.

The past will inevitiably bite you in the ass.

Have you ever feared telling someone about the things that are a permanent part of you because you don’t want to scare them away? Have you ever wanted to be with someone so much that you walk on eggshells when you are around them? You know that even if you don’t tell them these things, they will come up at some point. You probably should tell them because these things have brought you to where you are. Well, I definitely have.

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It’s funny that people tell you that the past is in the past. Realistically, that’s a lie. The past often comes back to bite you in the ass. At least mine does. It tends to be quite the regular occurrence. It really starts when my parents were still together. I had to deal with the continuous fighting and on and off again separations. I have moved around a billion times. I watched my mom try to kill herself. I witnessed my parents get a divorce. I moved to California with my mom, and, here, I had to grow up early and take care of my sick mother. I, then, had to mourn the loss of my mother. I moved back to a Mid-West hell. My dad was dating someone who wouldn’t let me bring my cat with me, and that upset me because he was the only stability in my life. He broke up with her, and started dating my soon-to-be stepmother. The eventually got married. She was awful to me. She treated me like I was not as important. She brainwashed my dad. I was always in the wrong. She never took the time to understand me. I got overly involved in extracurricular activities and stayed after school in high school. I worked really hard in my classes. I ended up graduating tenth in my graduating class and was accepted into Truman. My dad being the uninvolved person he is only came up to help me move in. When I did see him, he had to hide that he was with me. We had to tip-toe behind her back. He acted like he was cheating on his wife with me. Then, at the beginning of my sophomore year, my dad realized he wasn’t being the dad that he needed to be and separated from her. He came up to see me at school multiple times that semester. She acted like it was all my fault. I wasn’t allowed to be happy. School and this situation hit me hard. I ended up partying way too much that semester, and I ended up doing not so well in my classes. I also lost all motivation. I became really depressed. I was diagnosed with depression, PTSD, and severe anxiety disorder. I had winter break to recuperate, and I came back in the spring with my head on straight. Now, here I am. Yes, I am still depressed. Sometimes, I have to deal with my anxiety, but it isn’t controlling my life anymore.

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So, there’s this boy. Bet you didn’t think that this is where this was going. I met him in a class that we had together. He isn’t like the fraternity boys that I was interested in the past semester. He is kind, understanding, and absolutely adorable. He is catching on that I am not telling him things. I want to tell him all of this. However, in my experience, when I tell guys this stuff, it tends to scare them away. I don’t want to scare him away. He makes me happier than I have been in the last eight years.